70 Hands-On Learning
Alone in my room, I hesitated. I’d been giving this way too much of a buildup, and I knew that was likely only to end in disappointment. I decided that it would be better to think of it as something of a research project than a hope at immense physical pleasure. Accordingly, the goal was going to be knowledge, not a sexual climax. My initial attempt had made me suspect that it was a lot harder for girls, anyway.
First, I had to get myself in the mood. Well, I knew the trick for that; I stood before the mirror and hitched up my skirt and unbuttoned my blouse. It hadn’t been a fluke – for some reason the prospect of myself in revealing clothing was really a turn on. It was very strange, and yet… it worked. Maybe I would look into actually buying myself some appropriate clothing. I’d only wear it in my room, of course. The problem was, I wasn’t too sure of my finances – could I really afford to buy something like that? Something that would essentially just be a sex toy?
When I was sufficiently turned on, I took off all of my clothes and climbed into bed with a small mirror that I had purchased at the student store. After a moment, I got back out of bed and grabbed a flashlight as well.
My first glimpse of “down there” was jolting. Intellectually I knew what to expect, but I hadn’t actually looked at my own female genitalia since I had acquired them. It was yet another visible reminder of my reality. You’re being foolish, I chastised myself. You’ve been a girl for well over a month. It’s about time you stopped being shocked.
And yet… I had never had the occasion before this for an extended examination of a vulva. It wasn’t exactly the kind of thing you’d normally ask your girlfriend. As a doctor, I would one day be doing this on a regular basis as an intern on a shift with the OB/GYN department. I could think of this as just another part of my eventual medical education – with the twist that I was doing it pretty much unguided.
In the spirit of exploration, I tried a bunch of things; it was interesting to see how differently my new parts responded than what I had been used to. It didn’t take too long before my feigned clinical detachment went by the wayside, and I began to enjoy myself. It was so different from being a guy – it would start to feel good and then I’d relax and keep touching myself, and then it would build up again. There was no definite end to it. And then I was just too tired to continue and still had trouble getting to sleep. What a pain.
Nikki pulled me aside just as I got to rehearsal the next day. “I’m going to be measuring for costumes today, Marsh. Want to help out?”
“I’m not sure how much help I can be,” I warned her. “Remember that I don’t…” I paused as some members of the cast passed us, and then continued in a whisper, “I don’t have you-know-who’s memories.”
“It’s OK. I’ll write down what I need. I figure you probably know something about men’s measurements, though, right?”
I chuckled. “I think I can handle that.”
“So… any progress on the ‘homework’?” she asked in a confidential tone.
“Well…” I admitted, “I did a bit of exploring. I wasn’t too impressed.”
She raised her eyebrows. “What does that mean?”
“Well, my girlfriends seemed to get really excited during sex, and seemed really to be enjoying themselves. Now I’m wondering if they were just faking everything for my benefit. I mean, it was nice, but nothing to scream about.”
She laughed. “I think we need to have another private chat, Marsh. You’ll be surprised. How are you feeling, otherwise?”
“Pretty good, actually,” I admitted. “I finally dealt with my House Parties problem. I told my roommates to stop worrying about me. I’m just not going to go. I’m going to deal with the fact that I’m by myself.”
“Oh,” she said, surprised. “Was that an issue?”
“Well, yeah. I told you, I’m not attracted to anyone. I’m asexual, and it really bothers me. I like being part of a couple. But I can’t be now, and I’m just going to accept it.”
“Just like that?”
“Well… I guess I just want to stop them trying to fixing me up with a boy. It’s getting really annoying.”
She snickered. “I guess that would be uncomfortable for you.”
“So, I just need to deal with it. Compared to my other problems, it’s pretty minor, I guess.”
“Especially now that you have a way to give yourself pleasure without help?”
“No!” I protested, maybe a bit too loudly. I looked around, though, and nobody seemed to have noticed, amid all the pre-rehearsal socializing. “It has nothing to do with that,” I said, firmly. “It’s just me taking control of my life. I mean, OK, dancing once in a while with a guy could be nice, but that’s as far as I’m ready to go. I just feel safer by myself. Besides, it’ll give me a good chance to work on my chords.”
“Well good for you, then. I’m glad you’re not feeling lonely any more.”
“I didn’t say–” I started, but I was cut off.
“OK, people, let’s get started,” Alvin said in a raised voice. “We’re going to run the whole show, without prompting. If somebody drops a line, find a way out of it.”
“I didn’t say that,” I repeated before rushing to get into place. “I’ve just added it to the things I’m not thinking about.”
Thanks to our double-time drills the day before, we didn’t actually have too many dropped lines, and we were pretty much able to recover when we did, which was good, considering we were opening in a week and a half. There was one bit when I wasn’t on stage that was a bit rough, and those of us watching agonized with those onstage, as they ad libbed until they get back into the scene, but that’s part of the fun of live theater. It was pretty obvious that Jared, who had made the error, was going to study those lines pretty carefully before our next rehearsal.
We took a break between the acts, and I picked up the clipboard and tape measure and approached my first targets. “I have to measure you guys for costumes,” I told Jared and Pete, who were talking together.
“Sure you have long enough tape measure?” Pete joked. “I’m a pretty big guy.”
Considering that he was only a couple of inches taller than Jared, it was pretty obvious that he wasn’t referring to his height, and Jared gave him a disgusted look.
“Oh, for that I’ll have to get a microscope,” I informed him, earning a snort of laughter from Jared, and an amused grin from Pete. “Hold still.”
Partly because of our difference in heights, and partly to show that I hadn’t been bothered by his comment, I started with his inseam, and I wasn’t too surprised to see him try to take advantage of the situation, shifting his hips so that my top hand would slip from the top of his leg to his privates. I managed not to react, but coolly moved my hand back where it belonged. Jared noticed, though, and smacked him on the back of the head.
“Cut it out!” he said, annoyed.
Pete smirked, but mostly cooperated while I measured his leg, waist and chest. But when I reached behind him to measure his neck, he grabbed my forearms and quickly whispered, “we’ve got to stop meeting like this,” before releasing me. That time he did manage to embarrass me and I looked away, trying to collect myself, as Jared spun him around.
“What the Hell are you doing, jerk?” he demanded.
“Just teasing. Marsh knows its all in fun, right?”
“Well, stop it!”
I gave Jared a grateful look, and tried a withering one on Pete. “I’m finished with you. Could you get Jack for me, please.”
Jared looked at me curiously as I started to measure him. “You put up with that pretty well.”
“Yeah, well, I guess I decided that I didn’t need to let it get to me.”
“Good for you. Too bad you couldn’t have done that when we were talking in the Grill.”
I nodded. “Yeah, well, I’m learning.”
“So, if I made another pass at you, you’d take it a bit better?” he joked.
This time, I was able to laugh it off. After all, weren’t we friends? “Isn’t there supposed to be something going on between you and Jo?”
“How did you know about that?” he asked, clearly surprised.
“Girls do talk, you know. She even asked for my advice.”
“Oh? And what did you tell her?”
“No,” I smiled. “You first. Are you taking her to House Parties?”
He looked embarrassed. “I haven’t asked her yet. I mean, we’ve talked, but I wasn’t sure she didn’t already have someone.”
I stared at him in disbelief. I was pretty sure Jo had made her interests clear. Had I ever been so clueless as to what a girl wanted? Aside from Lee Ann, I remembered. And Vicky.
“Just ask her, will you?” There was something nice about helping out friends. So why did I have this tension in my heart? I’d already decided that I’d accepted not having a date, hadn’t I?
Jack showed up and I turned my attention to taking his measurements and getting them to Nikki. “It looked as though you were having a bit of trouble with Pete,” she said, as I handed over my work. “Is everything OK?”
I shrugged. “It was just a bit of banter. And I think I can safely say that I am more used to male banter than most girls.”
She laughed in appreciation. “I guess so.”
The second act went a bit more smoothly than the first had, and Alvin was very complimentary when he gave us notes. Then he finished with an announcement.
“Because of the Thanksgiving break, we’re not going to have rehearsal this Wednesday, so I want to rehearse Sunday night, instead. Please try to be back on campus in time for an 8:00 rehearsal. We’re going to be building the set tomorrow, so if you can help out, try to be here in the afternoon, and we’ll be starting with lighting on Monday night. We’ll be rehearsing every night next week, with final dress rehearsal on Thursday. Take care, all, and in case I don’t see you tomorrow, have an enjoyable Thanksgiving.”
Nikki caught me before I walked out. “Can you meet me back here tomorrow afternoon, Marsh? I could use your help picking out costumes. Fortunately, the action takes place in a single day, so we only need one costume for each person. The guys will be pretty easy, since men’s clothing hasn’t changed too much over the decades – I’m pretty sure we have plenty of stuff that will work in the costume room. You can use your blue print dress – it’s timeless and will look appropriate, but we’ll need to go through the racks to see what we can use for Jo and Naomi.”
“Happy to help,” I told her.
“And… I think it might be time for another… lesson.”
>> It’s about time you stopped being shocked.
A round of applause, folks?!
>> “Well, my girlfriends seemed to get really excited during sex, and seemed really to be enjoying themselves. Now I’m wondering if they were just faking everything for my benefit. I mean, it was nice, but nothing to scream about.”
Too bad, Marsh…
Maybe it’s because you’re not a guitarist any more?
Yeah, like Marsh never faked an orgasm for a girl’s benefit… what?
Nikki is WAY too enthusiastic about Marsh’s education.
OK, seriously – In most respects, a good installment; moves the plot along, which not all of them seem to do. A few bits are (regrettably, given the subject matter) real groaners:
– “I couldn’t imagine the embarrassment of showing off this body..” Spare me. Remarkably unsubtle, and only reinforces Marsh’s reputation as clueless. If he’s gotten as far as that thought, he HAS to realize it’s actually thinking about being in public that’s doing it for him. Much better to drop the sentence and let the previous one tell the story.
– A notebook and pen? Gag. If you’re going for comedic effect, it’s not working. I can’t imagine anyone who would expect to make – or need – written notes at that point. Leave it at the mirror and flashlight; that tells the “knowledge shall be my goal” story more than adequately.
– For some reason the word “privates” grates on my nerves there. I’ve never heard a woman use the term that way (yes, I remember who Marsh is) and it seems simultaneously too colloquial AND too specific. Strongly recommend either proper anatomical terms, OR a broader euphemism, like “personal area”.
– You manage to make both Pete and Jared look like jerks. Was that your intention? And the necessity to press against someone to measure their neck escapes me. Convenient device, or unconscious motivations on Marsh’s part?
I’m going to take several of your suggestions, Scott. Yes, Pete is supposed to come off as a jerk, but not Jared. What made him seem that way?
The press-against-to-measure-the-neck was my estimation of the consequence of the relative heights. But I just checked with my wife, and I was wrong, so I’m going to correct it.
>> Yes, Pete is supposed to come off as a jerk, but not Jared. What made him seem that way?
It’s not that bad; but given their prior interaction, I’d expect a gentleman to be wary of a line like “So, if I made another pass at you..?” – even as a joke. Kind of insensitive.
On reflection, it may be my cultural conditioning. As I was raised, the meaning of “a pass” was an unwelcome sexual advance, with the implication of a physical aspect – e.g. putting your hand somewhere you shouldn’t. I WAS able to find definitions which made it sound like the sexual version of a salesman’s trial close – no harm, no foul. Perhaps that’s what you – and Jared – meant.
If you think anyone else might read it the same way, you might want to back it down to something like “So, If I asked you again, maybe you’d take it a bit better?
>>“So, If I asked you again, maybe you’d take it a bit better?
Still a bit of a double subjunctive here. “So, maybe you wouldn’t mind if I asked you out?”
Keeping in mind what ‘again’ would mean. Unless that is what Jared really wanted to say.
>> Still a bit of a double subjunctive here. “So, maybe you wouldn’t mind if I asked you out?”
>> Keeping in mind what ‘again’ would mean. Unless that is what Jared really wanted to say.
Von, I think that’s kind of the point of the comment – Paraphrased: “You’ve learned not to take these things so seriously, so maybe you wouldn’t entirely freak out if I made the same kind of crude suggestion.”
Asking “So, maybe you wouldn’t mind if I asked you out?” is an entirely different kettle of fish, and would actually have nothing to do with the conversation they’re having now. At least as I see it. Russ?
Yes, that’s the point – he’s joking about making a somewhat crude suggestion, and Marsh is seeing it as the joke it is.
Hmmm.. I saw Jared’s interest as stronger than that. I think he would love it if Marsh had said, “well, you will just have to try it and we’ll see.”
>>Hmmm.. I saw Jared’s interest as stronger than that. I think he would love it if Marsh had said, “well, you will just have to try it and we’ll see.”
Who wouldn’t? Marsh has been portrayed as a very attractive girl.
>>For some reason the word “privates” grates on my nerves there. I’ve never heard a woman use the term that way
I have.
>>Strongly recommend either proper anatomical terms, OR a broader euphemism, like “personal area”.
Even in my story, which you know to be a LOT cruder than this, it has been VERY difficult to find tasteful words that describe the female anatomy without sounding either too text-book or too rude. Why do the nicer words have to be overused to oblivion and the boring ones sound unnatural in day to day conversation?
Assuming that the event was necessary at all, it could have been handled purely by implication.
“As I reached forward to measure the inseam, Pete, I’m sure intentionally, moved just slightly, so that my hand ended up an inch or two higher than I had planned. I chuckled to myself and moved it down, not even sparing him a glance. But Jared had seen the whole thing…”
>>Who wouldn’t? Marsh has been portrayed as a very attractive girl.
Well, yes, but not what I meant. I saw this as a second try. So my question was whether it was a second, stupid try (ie for a hookup) or a second, subtle, try (for a date, or at least to get a ‘I wouldn’t hate the idea of going out with you’ from Marsh).
>> I saw this as a second try.
At the risk of over-interpreting minor points, I disagree. The author specifies “he joked” (if you look carefully, that comes from the authorial voice, not Marsh’s). And while Jared is clearly the type of individual who’s always on the prowl, I don’t see a reason he’d be specifically focused on Marsh. Truly, it’s just banter now.
I guess I just see a lot of myself in Jared and, if I was worried about being rebuffed, I would ‘joke’ too… until I got the ‘go ahead’ signal. That way, if I got turned down, it was, ‘just a joke’.
But this is really, seriously, not my scene.
Enjoyed the chapter, I’m kinda glad you didn’t go into great detail with the ‘experimenting’.
Good day
Interesting webfiction, that you have written. I read it mostly in one sitting- I had to leave several times as Marshall’s dying has agitated me severely. At first I had some hope as the stuff seemed not to completely destroy his soma (well memories have a somatic component too), but well… Good luck. I will check on your writing in a year if I remember.
>> “I finally dealt with my House Parties problem. I told my roommates to stop worrying about me.
>> I’m just not going to go. I’m going to deal with the fact that I’m by myself.”
A bit of slightly off-topic musing while we wait for the next installment. I’d be interesting in hearing from the other readers – is the human urge to socialize THAT strong, in that it’s something Marsh has to “deal with”? She makes it sound like she’s found it necessary to stop breathing. If the type of social interaction s/he prefers isn’t available, I’d expect it to be passed by without thought or comment.
Russ and I have chatted about that. I, personally, would *way* rather stay home with a good book then go to something like this, so I am really clueless. It seems odd that ‘I want to go’ is so inextricably linked to ‘I want to go as a couple’ even with the huge denial of ‘I want to go with a boy’.
He almost makes it believable, anyway. I would like it without so much introspection and more of the external pressure and, of course, more of initiative on Marsh’s own part. It seems like this passivity is way part of what Russ wants for his character. It is very odd to me, especially since he doesn’t seem to be portraying it as all that odd. It doesn’t seem like all of his girlfriends are constantly nagging him about ‘you are so passive, Marsh!’
So, in answer, I don’t see it as a ‘human’ urge, but something within this character.
People are social animals, there are obvious exceptions to this, and we typically do gravitate together and get lonely when we don’t – I’m enjoying the social aspect of the story so far, and I imagine Marsh will be going to the House Parties.
I wonder if Russ is having technical issues, I’ve not seen him about since the new year began.
>>People are social animals
Yes, they are. And I am, for that matter. But that is a far cry from the two issues of ‘house parties’ and ‘couples’. Even a computer nerd likes getting together with other computer nerds and discussing computer nerdery 🙂
I quite agree that Russ has really played up these ‘house parties’ and that Marsh will probably be going… unless something science fictiony intervenes.
Sorry about disappearing, folks – I’m a little bit stuck on the next chapter. I know what has to happen, just not quite sure where to start it. Now, I’m taking my wife out for dinner, so I don’t expect the chapter to be up tonight; maybe tomorrow, some time.
Hope you had a good time 🙂
I hope it is not the dreaded writers block 🙁
In terms of the “urge” to be sociable, I can understand Marsh’s need to be in a social situation, but it’s not as if she has been trying to get a partner and is unhappy that she can’t… she hasn’t been trying yet she still feels lonely? I don’t feel as social an urge as Marsh does but then I don’t get why it is so important at American dances to have a date. Why can’t you go as a group of girl friends?
Peer pressure I guess, not coming from that social background myself (I’m English as well) I couldn’t tell you for sure.