Take a Lemon

I was actually in a pretty good mood now, for the first time since this horrible discovery, so I was content to let my sister guide me. “So what should we work on, first, Teen?”

She thought for a moment. “I can do your make up for you, if we have to go someplace, and help you pick out clothing, so those can wait. But I can’t walk for you, and you can’t walk around like you are afraid of being heard. So…”

She opened my closet and rummaged around a bit. I peered over her shoulder and saw more shoes than I’ve ever owned in my life. There must have been close to a dozen pairs. As Marshall, I owned a pair of sneakers, one pair of dress shoes, and a pair of boots. I used to own a pair of loafers, but they wore out and I never saw the need to replace them. But Marsha had way more than that. Eventually, Tina selected two pairs.

“Here are some flats than you can wear for around the house, Marsh. It’s going to take you a bit of time to get used to heels. Let’s start with these pumps.”

“Wait. ‘Pumps’?”

“It’s a pretty standard shoe, but the heel is a lot lower than the ones you were trying to wear this morning.”

“Didn’t you say Marsha was wearing the higher ones because of her height? I’m really not comfortable being this short, and I think I’d rather learn to wear the higher ones. At least I’d get more of my height back.”

“You can work up to those, Marsh. The shorter ones will be hard enough for you.”

Obviously, she knew a lot more about this than I did, so I put on the pair she handed me and stood up. “Now what? Do I just walk?”

“Yes. Try to walk across the room and back. And this time, step on the heels. That’s what they’re there for.”

So I did. It wasn’t horribly bad. I wobbled on almost every step, but didn’t even come close to losing my balance. I turned and looked for approval, but Tina looked pained.

“No, that’s not even close, Marsh. You shouldn’t have to stop and balance every time you put down your foot. Look. Watch me.”

She walked across the room so that I could look at her feet from the side. She wasn’t pausing at all, but neither was she spending a lot of time on her heels. She’d land on her heel and then roll immediately on to her toe.”

“OK, I think I see what you’re doing,” I said. I walked back to the closet, making it a point to slap my toe against the ground as soon as my heel hit the ground. It felt really awkward, but at least I wasn’t wobbling. Not much, at any rate.

Tina wasn’t really impressed. “That’s better,” she admitted, “but you’re still trying too hard. The toes should come down naturally, without all that slapping stuff. Try talking smaller steps.”

“Smaller steps?” I protested. “I’ve got tiny little legs, so I’m already talking shorter strides than I’m used to.”

“Just do it.”

It was like a revelation. The first couple of steps felt almost natural. I didn’t have to force my toes down, they just hit automatically. I experimented a bit, walking back and forth. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t.

“I think I’m getting it, Teen! Look. The shorter stride makes my foot come down almost flat, so I don’t spend a lot of time on my heel. Then if I shift my weight forward as I step, my toe comes right down.”

“Not bad,” she said, pleased. “Your walk is starting to a look a lot more natural, and it’s making your hips swing nicely.”

“Wait,” I said, my heart feeling as though it wanted to stop. “My hips?”

“Uh huh. That’s what you taught me. If you walk properly in heels, it gives you ‘a womanly stride that the guys like to watch.’”

“Um, wait. Wait.” I sat down on the bed, trying to hide my backside as best I could. “I’m not really comfortable with that part.”

“That’s what Marsha taught me,” she shrugged. “Not much you can do about it. It just happens naturally. Besides, it’s the way Marsha walks. And you want to be in character, don’t you?”

It was a good point, and I probably would have felt better about it, if she hadn’t winked at me immediately afterward. I resolved then and there that ‘Marsha’ was suddenly going to be a bit more tolerant of her lack of height. Those flats were definitely going to be my friends.

“Oh come on, Marsh,” Tina chided me. “You’re attractive. The boys will look. Not as much as if you were half-naked like most of the girls on campus, but you’re not going to be able to stop them from looking at all without really calling attention to yourself.”

It was clearly payback time. I know that I had enjoyed girl watching, and had never given any thought to how the girls felt, being watched. I guess I’d figured that if a girl didn’t want guys looking, she’d… Hmm. What, exactly? Dress modestly? I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. I guess I was dressed pretty modestly, with my skirts down to mid-calf and my long sleeves. In fact, I sometimes thought that girls in pants, especially jeans, were dressed much more immodestly, with all the creases seeming to draw the eye in one particular direction. Still. I turned in the mirror a bit. My bust wasn’t extraordinary, but my figure was pretty decent. If I saw a girl who looked like that, I’d have looked. Not that I was attracted to myself, of course. That would have been really creepy. But I had a lot of experience looking at and evaluating girls, and I’d probably have rated Marsha at least a 7 or an 8.

“Checking out the merchandise?” Tina teased me.

“No!” I said, jumping away from the mirror, embarrassed. “I was just… well, does it bother you when they look, Teen? It’s not something I’ve ever really thought about.”

She shrugged. “I think it would bother me a lot more if they didn’t look, Marsh. I like boys, and I want them to like me – or at least for certain ones to.”

“Certain ones?” I echoed. “As in boys, you might want to date?”

“Well mostly, a boy I have dated.”

“Wait a minute! You’re dating boys already?”

She gave me an impatient look. “I’m fifteen years old, Marsh! When did you start dating?”

“Um… I was… fourteen. But that’s different! I’m a boy!”

“Why is that different? How old was your first girlfriend?”

“Um, fourteen.”

“And I’m fifteen. So what’s the problem?”

“But. You’re my sister!”

“And your girlfriend was probably somebody else’s sister.”

I knew that this made perfect sense in my own mind. There were good and sound reasons that my sister shouldn’t be dating yet. I just couldn’t think of what they were. “I’m not going to win this argument, am I?” I finally admitted.

“Hardly. I waited a whole year longer than you did.”

“Oh.”

“And Marsha encouraged me. Did you encourage me, Marshall?”

I sighed. “It’s just so hard to think of my sister… out with some boy.”

“Get used to it. It’s going to happen a lot, I hope.”

“Oh. Um, how far have you gone?” I asked, not sure if was really ready to hear the answer. “

“We went to a couple of movies. He held my hand. And. I’ve had one good night kiss so far.”

“Anything else?”

“You sure you want to know?” she said, teasingly.

“Yes. No. I’m not sure.”

She laughed again. “That’s as far as we’ve gone and as far as I’m going to go just yet. What about you Marshall? How far have you gone?”

“Um I’m really not comfortable…”

“Farther than kissing?”

“Yes…”

“Lots farther?”

“I’m really not comfortable…” I repeated. At his point, I really wanted to change the subject, but Tina was having fun making me sweat.

“Marsha and I talked about this kind of stuff all the time. I know exactly how far she went with Dirk.”

“But… guys don’t talk about things like that.”

“Girls do,” she insisted. ‘This is going to be an interesting time for us, isn’t it? Did you talk to me at all?”

“Oh sure we talk a lot – just not about… you know…”

“Sex?”

“Tina!”

“Sorry – it’s just so funny to see you nervous, Marsh. If you’re really uncomfortable, we don’t have to talk but I hope you want to – I like talking about stuff with you – with Marsha, I mean.”

I sighed. “I’ll do my best, Teen. I can’t promise.”

Just then mom poked her head in. “Marsh? Ready to spend some time with me?”

Was I ever! I was glad to have that conversation end. I’d always been close to Tina, but there have been some things we just didn’t discuss. Apparently, her talks with “Marsha” had been a lot different than with me. I was sure she would understand, but she’d probably also try to get me to talk the way she was used to. It was going to be an interesting few months.