[1] I hadn’t expected the door to open like that and I automatically looked around to see if anybody had seen, as if I had done something wrong. The girl from earlier was now in the corridor, watching me. I wanted to talk to her, to ask her who she was, to whom she’d been assigned, anything but walk through that door, where my partner was certainly waiting for me.
[2] No wimping out now, Aliya, I admonished myself and pushed open the door. The first thing I noticed was the boy – my partner – looking awkward on all fours, obviously just in the middle of getting up from the mattress that covered much of the floor. He rolled quickly to his feet and approached me with his hand out.
[3] “Hi!” he said, maybe just a bit too eagerly. He stared at my face for a moment, which I guess was fair, since I was staring back at his. “I’m Andrew Tome.” Well, he was nice-looking, anyway. Pretty average in build and height, which put his mouth right at the level of my eyes, but his eyes were brown and warm, and his disheveled dark hair contrasted with the starkness of the room behind him. He was wearing a navy blue uniform, which suited him a lot better than my red one suited me.
[4] “A-Aliya Brendon,” I stammered, shaking his hand.
[5] “Leah?”
[6] “AH-liya,” I repeated, stressing the syllable he’d missed. “Ah-LEE-ya. It means, ‘the act of going up.’”
[7] “Huh. That’s nice. I’ve never heard anybody with that name before.”
[8] “Yeah, my parents–” I heard beeping and looked over to see the panel I’d touched to open the door flashing impatiently.
[9] “Oh. You shouldn’t leave the door open like that,” Andrew said, backing up to give me room. I followed him in, closed the door and then turned back. For the first time I actually looked at our ‘cubicle.’ The term suggested a very small enclosed space, and this definitely qualified. The room was only about a meter wide and three times that in depth, its only obvious features a door on the far wall and enormous computer screens covering the top half of the long side walls. Aside from the mattress and ourselves, the room was empty.
[10] “Home sweet home,” Andrew smiled, seeing the stunned look on my face. “Not much to look at, but…” He trailed off as I looked away from him. One of the screens was lit. I recognized the images; anybody would have – they were part of the standard history of The War. He followed my gaze. “Yeah, they’re making sure that we know why we’re here. Not that we both haven’t seen it a dozen times… I can turn it off.” He waved his hand at the screen and it went black. “Um, there’s an orientation video; they told me to wait until you got here before watching it.”
[11] I shook my head. I didn’t want to think. I just wanted to collapse. “I suppose we’re required to watch it?” He nodded. “What else do we have to do?” He met my eyes and then looked at the mattress that had been crowding us into the first meter of the room. “Just like that?” I squealed, horrified.
[12] “Well… this can’t be a surprise to you. I mean, you know the rules.”
[13] “Yeah, but… that’s not… I mean…” He was looking at me and it was making my skin crawl, but I wasn’t sure what I meant. It’s why we were assigned together, after all – to breed. But…
[14] “Yeah…”
[15] “I’ll bet you’re enjoying this,” I snapped.
[16] “What?”
[17] “Guys always talked about how much they couldn’t wait to have sex, and here’s your chance to force yourself on a girl you don’t even know.”
[18] “Wait a minute!”
[19] Some part of me knew I wasn’t being fair to him, but the whole thing wasn’t fair to me! “You know what they call it when you force yourself on a girl, right? It’s rape!”
[20] “Hey!” he protested, putting up his hands as though I was about to attack him. He backed away from me and tripped on the mattress.
[21] “I mean, that’s really subtle, isn’t it? I walk in here, and you’ve already got the mattress out!”
[22] “I was sleeping!” he said defensively, scrambling to sit up on it.
[23] “So naturally, you assumed I would join you. Is that it? Did you think of my feelings at all?” It was too much. If I’d had a real partner, one I’d chosen myself, we’d have had time to get to know each other, we’d have had a real bed… On top of the sudden culling, the humiliating nudity in the induction center… the next thing I knew, I was sobbing with my arm’s clutched to my chest.
[24] After a few moments, I heard a whisper. “Aliya…?”
[25] “What?” I sniffled.
[26] “I’m sorry?”
[27] “What are you sorry about?”
[28] “That… this whole thing. I know you don’t want to be here.”
[29] I sniffled again in response. “It’s not your fault,” I told him. Of course, technically, it was. He had done whatever stupid criminal thing he’d done, and the stupid computer had picked me to go with him.
[30] “I… I don’t really know what I’m doing… I mean, this is my first time, too.”
[31] “I know.” Everybody came to his or her partner a virgin. For all their talk, I knew none of the boys had actually done it with anyone. Or at least I was pretty sure. Oh there was talk, but we generally assumed that jumping the gun, as it were, pretty much guaranteed culling – and that somehow they would find out. So nobody was really going to risk it.
[32] Only now, I had to. That woman had been pretty clear. It was my duty. Now I’m not going to pretend that I hadnt looked forward to sex with my partner, one day. But not with a stranger. Not with some common criminal I didn’t even have a choice about!
[33] “May I… put my arms around you?” he asked, sounding way more tentative than I would have liked. Couldn’t he at least be firm and aggressive? Benedick wouldn’t have asked, he’d just have done it and laughed if Beatrice had struggled. Not that she would have, of course. Even for…
[34] I nodded my acquiescence. His arms were gentle, but strong. “I’ve done a lot of thinking about this,” he said, as I rested my head on his shoulder. “We’re going to be together for along time, and I don’t want to start out wrong. If you’re not ready, we’ll wait.”
[35] “There’s only so long we can get away with that, you know,” I said. “Partners aren’t supposed to abstain.” I did appreciate the offer.
[36] “I’m sure they won’t notice if we wait… a few days? Maybe even a week? I guess the whole thing’s been a real shock for you. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be culled.”
[37] I looked up in surprise. “Wait. They told you I was a cull?”
[38] “No, see my blue uniform? That shows that I’m a… um, draftee. Voluntary recruits wear green, and culls,” he added, pointing to my outfit, “wear red. Besides, draftees are almost always matched up against culls, because of the selection process and all… genetic matching, cultural compatibility, and so on.”
[39] Draftee, huh? That was so much a nicer way of putting it than criminal. Suddenly I felt a bit uncomfortable and pushed away from him. “So what did you do? What did they mean by reckless endangerment?”
[40] He turned almost as red as my coverall. “I, uh, turned the wrong way down a one way street, late at night, right in front of a police car.”
[41] “Now that’s plain stupid. You could have killed somebody. You’re just lucky you wound up here instead of dead.”
[42] He shrugged and sat back down on the mattress, resting his back against the wall away from the lit screen. “I know,” he said. Then he looked up, caught my eyes, and patted the mattress next to him.
[43] After a moment, I sat where he’d indicated. He’s not that bad, I thought. He’s actually kind of nice. “Did you have a career in mind?”
[44] He laughed. “Oh, yeah. I’m an artist. I was hoping to do graphic design or something like that.”
[45] “Wow, that’s kind of a hard field.”
[46] “Yeah, not much call for that kind of thing in New Texas. I even thought of going off-planet, sometimes.” He smiled at me. “I’d love to draw you. When we get some time, I mean.”
[47] “Oh. Well.” I guess I blushed a bit at that.
[48] “What about you? What did you want to do?”
[49] He shouldn’t have asked that – not if he didn’t want to hear me go on and on. I’d always fancied myself as a sort of artist, too, but of a literary style. I’d written stories, and done plays, and… a career as a writer wasn’t all that easy to get, either, but I could have done it while home with my babies, at least once I’d established myself. He was very patient, listening to me telling him all about my dreams. I’d imagined myself giving video performances of plays I’d create, dramatic readings of books I was going to write. I’d plan to find a partner late in my bachelor years, and then if it took me a few months to get pregnant, I could have had almost three years to become known. Then people would be waiting eagerly for what I’d write while raising my family.
[50] Jon had laughed when I’d told him, saying that it was harder than I thought, but Andrew didn’t laugh. “If you do get a chance, I’d love to illustrate your books,” he said. Yeah, he was really nice. I leaned against him. We sat in silence for a moment. He smelled nice, too. I thought hard. Then I looked up. “I’m ready.”
[51] “Ready for what? Really? Wow!” He actually blushed, which I thought was kind of charming.
[52] “Well, as you say, it is the law. And we’re going to be together for a long time, so… OK.” He reached for me. “Only… my girlfriends say it would be better if you took your time. If you could. Please?”
[53] “I’ll try,” he said, sounding serious.
[54] “And could we turn off the lights, first?” I added. He nodded and ordered the computer to do so. At least I hoped it was the computer. I didn’t really want to imagine somebody listening to our conversations.
[55] It was… interesting. He would stop from time to time and mumble to himself as though trying to remember what Grudens’ had said. Then he’d touch me or kiss me. He’d ask me if I wanted him to do something differently, when I think I would have preferred he just get it over with. I knew it was supposed to feel good. Grudens’ had listen all kinds of things the guy was supposed to do the make the girl enjoy it, but sometimes he’d do something and suddenly correct himself. Then just when it was starting to feel good – pain, and… it was over. I was so glad we couldn’t see each other. I think he was horribly embarrassed; I know I was.
[56] Afterwards, I remembered, we were supposed to shower. “Do you mind? Not looking, I mean?” I asked, covering myself as I got up. “Just put the lights on enough so I don’t trip over things, OK?”
[57] “Wait, after that…?” he asked, surprised.
[58] “Yeah, please.” Besides, I was about to cry all over again. Sharing his bed was one thing, but at least that had been in the dark. I wasn’t ready to expose myself. I didn’t know if I would ever be ready for that.
[58a] Silently, I raged at him in the shower. Why couldn’t he have known what he was doing? Boys were supposed to. Why did my first time have to be such a rotten experience?
[59] By the time I came out wearing a robe I’d found in the bathroom, he was wearing one, too, although I had no idea where he could have gotten it. I explored the computer screen while he was showering and found that I could command it to open various closets and drawers in the walls. There were additional uniforms for each of us, and what I presume was some kind of laundry chamber. I put the uniforms we had been wearing into it, changed into a fresh one, and set out one for him as well. I made sure my back was turned when he came back, and waited until he told me he was dressed. Finally, we both sat on the mattress together. It was really awkward to have to walk around it, but if we put it away would have to sit on the hard metal floor.
[60] “So now what?” I asked.
[61] “Well, we have almost half an hour. We should probably watch the orientation video, now. Then the computer will give us our assignments.”
[62] “When do we sleep?”
[63] I saw him wince. “You haven’t slept?”
[64] Then I remembered the shuttle. “I don’t know if it counts, but they put us to sleep on the way up here. I guess I’m not tired. I just thought you were supposed to sleep… afterward.”
[65] “Not this time. Our sleep period ended a little while ago.”
[66] We sat on the mattress and watched the orientation video. I was really tempted to lean against him, but somehow it didn’t feel quite right, just yet. We’d built up a bit of a connection by talking, but that had been it.
[67] I was prepared to be bored with the video. After all, who ever saw an ‘orientation’ video that wasn’t boring? And I was already familiar with its main focus, the colonization fleet. I knew about its main branches: the colonists, which was where most of us would end up; the soldiers, which was the second largest branch; and the space force, which had always struck me as the most boring. I’d even heard of the smaller, elite branches: the Scouts, the Pathfinders, and the Deep-space Miners, but about all I’d known about them was that the last had the reputation of being crazy. The joke was that if you could be a space miner without going crazy, you had to be insane.
[67b] But the whole tone was very different than I had ever heard before. Colonization Fleet videos back on NT were always well, patriotic. You know, bands playing, flags waving. This video was almost the opposite: clinical, full of facts and statistics, and the announcer spoke in sharp edges and nasal vowels, which I had to strain to understand. It was several minutes in before I realized where I’d heard a similar accent. There was a character from Newtonia in a vid series I used to watch who spoke like that; all cold and scientific. We used to say that Newtonians didn’t need wrist comps, that they were half computer themselves. Did that mean that we might run into real live Newtonians on ship? The idea intrigued and frightened me.
[68] Suddenly the computer broke into the video:
Aliya: Report to training room A18
Andrew: Report to training room A18
[69] Well, this is it. “Same room, huh?” I commented.
[70] “Not exactly,” he said, rising. When we were both standing on the floor, he lifted the mattress and it slid against the wall. I would have preferred to make up the bed first; next time, I promised myself.
[71] He led the way out of our room and down the hall. At the end were a number of girls and boys, the girls vanishing through a door on the left, while the boys took the one on the right. “You see?” he asked, and I nodded, following the line of girls.
[72] The room on the other side of the door was only about five meters square, and as girls piled in it soon become awkwardly crowded. On the left side of the room were five open floor-to-ceiling cabinets, and there was another in the front right corner. The edge of that cabinet seemed to demarcate a line over which the jostling girls were reluctant to pass, clearly intimidated by the officious-looking gray-uniformed and dramatically pregnant woman, a few years older than us, who paced the front of the room.
[73] “Come in, come in,” she said impatiently. “Line up against the wall, facing the door.” She pointed to the cabinet at the front. We crowded over as much as we could, and I found myself in the middle of a line of about a dozen girls, with more entering as we waited. “Until you are pregnant,” she announced, “you will do this each and every morning. Strip and go into the med cabinet one at a time. When it lets you out, get into a VR suit from the supply cabinets.” The girl at the front of the line looked at her, hesitating. “Get going!” she snapped.
[74] So. Once again with the public nudity. Did these people not know New Texans at all? Or did they simply not care? I started taking my shirt off slowly, as I waited. The girl at the front undressed looking straight ahead and then jumped into the cabinet as soon as the last of her clothing hit the floor. The rest of the girls in front of me were clearly trying to take their time, as I was, but we were all naked and blushing before the first girl re-emerged.
[75] She came out slowly, clearly trying to pretend that she didn’t mind being stark naked in public, side-stepping the line and the piles of clothing that were gathering behind us. Eyes front, she moved to the suits and, following the older woman’s instructions, donned one as quickly as she could. I tried to watch both her and the line in front of me, wishing for it to move faster.
[76] As we trembled with the cold and embarrassment, the main door opened again and three chattering girls entered in robes, which they doffed and hung on hooks on the back wall. Then they joined the line, still gabbing as though being seen naked was the most natural thing in the world. Where are they from? I wondered. Finally, I was able to enter the cabinet and gain a moment of privacy. A moment all too brief, as the cabinet quickly opened again and I forced myself not to run for the suits, covering myself with my hands.
[77] By the time I got there, there were what looked like three shiny black featureless statues hanging from the ceiling. One of the girls ahead of me was wearing a suit that matched them, and I was watched, she clamped on a helmet and the pregnant girl pulled a loop from the ceiling over her torso and made a gesture which lifted the suited girl to the ceiling then along rails to join the others. I struggled into my own suite as quickly as I could, sighing in relief once I was covered again. Then I put on my own helmet.
[78] It was only as I felt myself lifted into the air that I allowed myself to remember the boys who had been passing outside the entrance to our room while we were naked. I only had time to whisper a hope that they hadn’t looked when the world changed.