The table conversation paused abruptly when I entered the dining room, and didn\u2019t resume until a few moments after I had sat down. The family seemed deliberately to be trying to avoid mentioning what had just happened, but Tina gave me a worried look, to which I replied with a nod of acknowledgement. We\u2019d have to talk after dinner before my likely grilling by Mom and Dad.<\/p>\n
Or maybe not. As we finished cleaning up after dinner, Mom said, \u201cMarsha, let\u2019s talk in the study\u201d and I knew I was in trouble. Tina knew it, too, but all we could do was to exchange glances. I sighed, dried the last of Grandma\u2019s silver and put it away, and then headed for the study while Mom went to find Dad.<\/p>\n
Alone, I examined the room. It had been Grandpa\u2019s domain before he died, and the walls were still full of pictures of him on tour. The old Encyclopedia Brittanica from the early 1960s took up a sizeable portion of the bookshelf space. There were newer touches, of course. Pictures of Mom and Dad\u2019s wedding, as well as Uncle Doug and Aunt Jackie\u2019s, along with pictures of us kids. Most of these were unchanged.<\/p>\n
The most obvious differences were the picture of Marsha\u2019s graduation rather than mine, and where there used to be a picture of me with Grandpa\u2019s guitar, there was now one of Marsha and Dirk, presumably taken at their senior Prom. I stared it; it was one thing to be told that Marsha had been dating him; it was something else to see her lean against him, his arm wrapped possessively around her waist. My<\/em> waist, now. I shuddered at the thought.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou miss him, don\u2019t you, Honey?\u201d Mom said, quietly.<\/p>\n I jumped. \u201cOh, I didn\u2019t hear you come in, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou were so happy when the two of you were dating,\u201d she continued. \u201cIt\u2019s really too bad, the way things worked out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUm\u2026 yeah,\u201d I agreed, not sure what else to say. I mean, what if things had<\/em> gone differently? What if I had awoken as Marsha to find that, like her roommates, she had a longtime boyfriend \u2013 Dirk \u2013 who expected her to sleep with him on a regular basis? I would absolutely have vomited.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAnyway, your father is unavailable until the game is over. Do you want to sit and talk? I want to hear what\u2019s been getting to you this semester. Last year didn\u2019t seem as difficult.\u201d<\/p>\n Sure, because last year I was in the right body.<\/em> I didn\u2019t say that aloud, though. At this point, I was in major damage-control mode. The truth would probably get me locked up \u2013 or at least pulled out of school. And if there was <\/span>any<\/em> chance to change back, it required me to be on campus.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d I started, \u201cI think classes are going all right\u2026\u201d Then I remembered. I had told her that before, along with an update on the play. But girls usually went into more detail, didn\u2019t they? Well, I could tell her about my lab partners, and about my papers, and\u2013<\/p>\n \u201cAnd I do want to hear all about them, Marsh. But right now, I want to focus on what isn\u2019t<\/em> going all right. You seemed fine on the way up. What set you off? What brought on this imaginary cousin? Why were you talking about learning how to sew?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cMom,\u201d I said, miserably, \u201cif I told you the truth you\u2019d think I was crazy, and if I told you what you would believe, I might be lying.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis \u2018science experiment\u2019 again?\u201d At my nod, she sighed. \u201cMaybe we\u2019ll wait until your father is free, then.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOK,\u201d I said, before she could change her mind, \u201cI\u2019ll be with Tina and Tara until then,\u201d and I ran out of the room.<\/p>\n I found the two of them still in the kitchen, talking with Grandma and Aunt Jackie. \u201cTeen, can I talk to you?\u201d I asked quietly, and she excused herself immediately.<\/p>\n Our bedroom seemed the best bet for privacy, so we headed there. \u201cSo\u2026?\u201d Tina prompted, as we sat together on the bed.<\/p>\n I exhaled and took a moment to prepare myself before admitting, \u201cI\u2026 told Mom. About the experiment, I mean.\u201d<\/p>\n The shock in my sister\u2019s face was plain. \u201cYou did<\/em>?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Tina studied my face for a moment. \u201cShe didn\u2019t believe you, did she?\u201d<\/p>\n I shrugged. \u201cNot exactly. I told her about Tyler, too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh boy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah. She thinks I\u2019ve lost it. That I\u2019m cracking under the pressure of school.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you have to admit, talking about a cousin nobody\u2019s ever seen\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know, I know, it\u2019s just\u2026 I can\u2019t believe he\u2019s gone. That he never existed. I mean, I was really looking forward to seeing him. Tara\u2019s great, and all, but Tyler is the one I used to connect with most.\u201d<\/p>\n She put her hand on my arm and said sympathetically, \u201cI didn\u2019t realize that. I\u2019m really sorry, Marsh. Do you\u2026 want to tell me about him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2026 guess.\u201d But what was I supposed to say? Describing him was almost like trivializing him. \u201cWell\u2026 he was really into the Beatles, and knew just about every one of their songs. I could play just a few measures and he could tell me the lyrics, who wrote it, and when. He was a wizard at video games. Once in a while we\u2019d play something competitive and he always<\/em> beat me.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n I paused to think. There was a lot more to him than this. \u201cHe wasn\u2019t into cars too much,\u201d I continued, \u201cso a lot of what Joey talked to him about bored him. I mean, he did try, and he actually memorized a bunch of car trivia, since Joey liked it, but it if weren\u2019t for Joey, he wouldn\u2019t have gone near cars at all. I just\u2026\u201d I let myself trail off, shaking my head.<\/p>\n The next thing I knew, Tina\u2019s arms were around me and I was crying again. \u201cMarsh, I am so sorry. He sounds nice. I wish I\u2019d known him\u2013 I mean, I wish I remembered him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah\u2026\u201d After a moment, I forced myself to stop and pushed her away. \u201cAnyway, we have to figure out what I\u2019m supposed to tell Mom and Dad. I don\u2019t want to lie to them, but I don\u2019t want them thinking I\u2019m crazy and need to take time off or something.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen you can\u2019t talk about the experiment. Just tell them that you were upset about\u2026 um\u2026 Oh man.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t tell them?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you remember that Chad and I didn\u2019t believe you, at first.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut you do, now,\u201d I pointed out.<\/p>\n \u201cSure, but that was only after the way you reacted to Dirk. \u2018Dirk the Jerk.\u2019 Wow, that was so unlike you\u2013 I mean, Marsha. And that was on top of everything else, plus you had that article.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe article. Right.\u201d It was at school, somewhere. I\u2019d sort of lost track of it after I went to newspaper offices.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd at this point, if you called Dirk a jerk, Mom and Dad would probably decide that you just resented him after all this time.\u201d<\/p>\n I nodded. Tina was making a lot of sense. \u201cAnd if I told them I used to be a boy\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t even want to think of how they\u2019d react. Probably pull you out of school right now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re right, you\u2019re right. So how do I explain why I was claiming to have another cousin? Mom saw me really upset.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Tina said. \u201cUm\u2026 I don\u2019t suppose you could say it was some kind of act?\u201d<\/p>\n I shook my head. \u201cMom wouldn\u2019t buy that for a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I guess not.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m just going to have to say that I was upset\u2026 I don\u2019t have to give a reason, do I? I mean, girls do<\/em> get upset over nothing, right?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cExcuse me?\u201d she glared. \u201cI do not<\/em> get upset over \u2018nothing.\u2019 Just because I can\u2019t always explain why I\u2019m upset, or don\u2019t want to, doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s \u2018nothing.\u2019\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I grinned. \u201cSee? You just did it.\u201d<\/p>\n Tina sighed in exasperation. \u201cBoy, you look and sound like a girl, but sometimes, Marsh\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n My grin got larger. \u201cSometimes, I can still act like a boy. OK,\u201d I said, standing up. \u201cI think that\u2019s what I\u2019m going to have to do. I\u2019ll just tell them that I was upset, but I can\u2019t explain why. Thanks, Teen.\u201d<\/p>\n We went back down to the kitchen and rejoined the rest of the women, who were now sipping tea and chatting. I was really tempted to go join the guys watching football, but right now, with Mom having doubts about my sanity, going out of character for Marsha didn\u2019t seem such a great idea.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, what\u2019s going on, guys?\u201d Tara asked, coming over to Tina and me. Indicating the older women with a nod of her head, she added, \u201cI was afraid you were going to leave me with them all night. They\u2019re planning tomorrow\u2019s dinner \u2013 and Gran wants us to sit for family portraits in the morning. Bo-o-o-ring\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n Tina and I giggled. Tara was just as theatrical as either of us, and the expression on her face was perfect. Then she turned to Tina. \u201cAnd speaking of boring, what are we going to do about your sister?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d I yelped. \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAll work and no play makes Jane a dull girl,\u201d she retorted. \u201cIt\u2019s time to come out of your shell, Marsh.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat shell?\u201d<\/p>\n Tara shared a look with Tina that expressed doubts about my cluefulness before turning on me again. \u201cHave you gone on any<\/em> dates since summer?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n She meant Marsha, of course, and I didn\u2019t know whether she had dated before midterms, so I snuck a glance at Tina, who shook her head very slightly.<\/p>\n \u201cUh, no\u2026\u201d I admitted, \u201cbut I have a very demanding course schedule, and I need to get good grades to get into medical school.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, more like spinster school,\u201d she retorted mockingly. \u201cAre you seriously locked in your room, working all weekend?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo\u2026 I sometimes go out with my roommates or a friend.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo you do<\/em> have the time. You\u2019re just afraid.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Behind her, I could see Tina wincing apologetically.<\/p>\n Tara pressed on. \u201cWe can help you, Marsh. Which boys do you like?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I\u2026\u201d I stammered, and then I realized what I was doing. I was falling into the same pattern with Tara as I had with Lee Ann, and I had since decided that I wasn\u2019t going to play that game.<\/p>\n \u201cNo,\u201d I said definitely. \u201cIt\u2019s not a question of afraid. I\u2019m\u2026 just not interested in dating right now.\u201d<\/p>\n Tara was shocked. \u201cSeriously? Why not?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m just not. I have some things I need to work out for myself\u2026 I mean, before I\u2019ll be interested in going out with anyone.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre you telling me that you\u2019re not crushing on anyone<\/em>? Not even a little?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNot even a little. I\u2019m happy with who I am, and I don\u2019t need anybody else to make me happy.\u201d Somehow I managed to say that with a straight face, even when Tina dropped her jaw at me from behind Tara\u2019s back.\u201d<\/p>\n I was saved from having to support my statement because Dad poked his head into the kitchen right then. \u201cOK, Mir, I\u2019m ready.\u201d<\/p>\n Mom looked up. \u201cGame\u2019s over?\u201d<\/p>\n Dad sounded disgusted. \u201cIt might as well be. The Giants aren\u2019t even close to being in this game.\u201d Then he looked at me. \u201cYou ready, Princess?\u201d I nodded, and the three of us filed into the study.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The table conversation paused abruptly when I entered the dining room, and didn\u2019t resume until a few moments after I had sat down. The family seemed deliberately to be trying to avoid mentioning what had just happened, but Tina gave me a worried look, to which I replied with a nod of acknowledgement. We\u2019d have […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-632","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-section-5-a-family-affair"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.takealemon.com\/story\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/632","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.takealemon.com\/story\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.takealemon.com\/story\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.takealemon.com\/story\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.takealemon.com\/story\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=632"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.takealemon.com\/story\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/632\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":634,"href":"https:\/\/www.takealemon.com\/story\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/632\/revisions\/634"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.takealemon.com\/story\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=632"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.takealemon.com\/story\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=632"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.takealemon.com\/story\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=632"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}