100 Found Wanting

“You found it?” I gasped. “Where? I searched all over the physics building!”

“You remember I told you I was making a game of the time travel thing?” Eric asked. “Well, I got a bunch of grad students thinking I was a bit loopy.”

I winced. “I’m really sorry about that.”

“It’s not a problem. I don’t mind being seen as a bit of clown; I’m not going to be here next year anyway, after all. Anyway, I just got a call from a grad student in the gravity group – a guy who’s studying under Morton Davis. And he says that one of the locked and seemingly unused labs seems to belong – or else used to belong – to our mysterious missing Professor Davis.”

“Really!”

“Yup! This is just great. So he’s cleaning up his advisor’s lab before going home for break, and he comes across this package that hadn’t been opened, so of course he opens it and starts unpacking it to put into the lab inventory, only he doesn’t recognize any of the stuff inside. It’s all this electronics gizmos that they don’t use, so he double-checks the label. And guess what?”

“What?”

“It’s not supposed to be there; the package was addressed to Professor James Davis, and there’s a room number. So he packs it all back up and goes along to deliver it to the right place, only the lab is locked and there’s no name on the door. And he checks the department list, and there is no Professor James Davis. So he starts thinking, and remembers that news story and the claims of a missing professor, and then thinks of my little game…”

“And he decided you might be interested.”

“Exactly. He says he’ll show it to us when we get back in January, but I thought you’d want to know.”

“I sure did,” I told him. “Thank you very much, Eric!”

“No problem. I told Allie, of course, and she’s going to let the Strangers know, but you seemed to be the one who’s worried about this most. Anyway, take care, and I’ll see you in January.”

“See you then!” I hung up, ecstatic. We’ve found the lab! It was the first step. Even if it was really abandoned, it should at least be a clue; this was definitive evidence we’d found yet that Davis and his experiment still existed. Maybe changing back was going to be possible after all… and then I remembered what I’d done the night before.

I went on a date with a boy, I remembered, and I kissed him. And what’s more, I’d made a date with him for tonight… and, I realized, swallowing hard, that I really wanted to go out with him again. What was I doing?!

“Found what, Marsh?” Mom asked from behind me.

I spun… and realized that, surprised by Eric’s news, I’d never actually left the kitchen. Mom had heard the whole thing. I tried to answer. I moved my mouth, but no sound came out.

“You seemed excited by the news,” she continued, putting her arms around me, “but now you look panicky. What’s wrong?”

“Uh…” was about all I could manage. Now what was I supposed to do? My mind raced, looking for a why to keep my secret without actually lying.

“What did they find, Honey? And why does it have you upset?”

Bolstered by the comfort of her arms around me, I decided to risk it. “The… they found the… the lab.”

Mom held me away far enough that she could look at my face. With narrowed eyes, she asked, “What lab, Baby?”

My heart was hammering. What would happen if she knew the truth? “Ah… the…” I swallowed hard. “The lab where they did the…” I turned my face away, unable to meet her glance. “The time travel experiment.”

I heard her sigh as she held me out to arms’ length. “The one you’ve already admitted was a hoax?” she asked, quietly. “Oh, Marsh, what are you doing?” She pulled me back into an embrace. “Marsh, whenever you get upset now, you go to this story. Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong? Why don’t you confide in me any more? Have I done something to make you not trust me?”

“No, Mom!” I hurriedly answered, mortified at the suggestion. “You’ve been great. I just… This whole thing…” I took a breath to calm myself. “It’s not a hoax, Mom.”

“Marsh, your father spoke with Bob Peterson, and–”

“Dean Peterson is a liar!” I snapped. “He knows perfectly well that it’s not a hoax and he’s trying to cover it up! They changed us, Mom! You said it yourself – you said I’m ‘in a strange mood’ and that I don’t talk to you the way I used to. That’s just it, Mom. I’m changed. I’ve been doing the best I can, but I don’t know how Marsha is supposed to act. I don’t remember her life. I don’t remember dating Dirk or hanging out with her girlfriends! I don’t…”

I trailed off, because Mom’s arms had suddenly loosened around me, and she’d stepped back. I wish I could forget the look of horror and fear in her eyes.

“You don’t remember… Marsha’s life…?”

I might have gone a bit too far. “Um… no,” I said, in a small voice. “I… think of myself as ‘Marsh’ to distinguish between us…”

“Honey, I think we need to take you to the doctor. Please sit down.” She put the back of her hand against my forehead. “You don’t have a fever, but you’re clearly delirious.”

I sat back and rested my hand against my eyes in frustrated resignation. “I’m not delirious, Mom,” I said as calmly and quietly as I could. “Tina knows. She’s been helping me fit into this life; this life that I don’t remember at all. Chad knows. That’s why he yelled at me; he’s convinced that I’ve given up, that I’m not even trying to change back any more.”

She pulled over a chair so that she could sit facing me, and just sat there for a moment, just staring at me. Finally, she said, “OK… Marsha… Oh, I’m sorry, do you prefer ‘Marsh’ now?”

“Either one,” I said, glumly, waving my hand to show that it didn’t matter. What mattered was that I had told her, and I couldn’t undo that, now.

“OK, Marsh. Let’s assume that I believe you. That there was an experiment that changed you and the College is trying to hush it up. Why…?” she shook her head. “I have a lot of questions, here. Let’s start with, ‘how have you managed to keep this from me?’ I wouldn’t have expected a stranger to fit in with our family.”

“I’m not a stranger, Mom. I grew up in this house; it’s just that some things happened differently, is all. My life turned out differently. There’s a lot that’s the same. You’re the same; Dad’s the same, Tina’s the same. Most of the family is just as I remember. I’m the one who’s different.”

“And this imaginary cousin?”

So she hadn’t forgotten that. “In the old… the other timeline, Aunt Jackie had a third child. In this one she didn’t. So that’s different. Um… some people at school are a bit different, although not so most people would notice. My girlfriend Vicky is changed so slightly that only somebody who knew her as well as I do could even tell. I mean, you don’t look all that closely at most people. I remember a guy last year who had a moustache and when he shaved it off, people knew that there was something different about him, but it took them a long time to realize what.”

“OK… and why does Chad want you to ‘change back’?”

“Well… I told him I really needed to, only I couldn’t find the lab, and he’s been helping me try to figure out where it was… and when I told him I had a date with Jeremy, he got mad at me and said I was giving up and I should have just told him I didn’t care and not made him work so hard to help me if I wasn’t going to follow through.”

Mom closed her eyes and put hand to her head. I could see that she was really upset. Then she looked back up. “I’m very worried about you, Marsha. I wonder if the pressure of school has gotten to you. I know that being a pre-med student can be very stressful, and I know that you’ve been lonely. I had hoped that landing that role would lift your spirits; I know that you were excited about it, and you did it marvelously, but maybe… maybe it was too much pressure at once. Maybe you should take the next semester off.”

“No!” I leaped to my feet. “You can’t do that! Eric is expecting to see me in January to show me the lab, and…” I compressed my lips, uncomfortable under her gaze, trying to think of arguments in my favor.

“I… I’m comfortable at school. I’m getting along with my new roommates and my new friends, and… I even talk with some of my old friends, although most of them don’t remember me. Vicky is the only one who does, but that’s because she did the experiment, too.” And Jeremy will be there, too, came unbidden into my head.

“I don’t know, Honey. I need to talk this over with your father.”

“Don’t do that, Mom, please? Don’t tell Dad about it.”

“Why in the world would I keep this from your father?” she asked me, astonished.

“Well…” Putting it into words wasn’t all that easy. “When I told you, you sort of flinched away from me. I don’t… I don’t want Daddy to look at me like I’m a stranger, or crazy, or anything.”

“Marsha, this is not like you.”

“Oh course it’s not like me!” I howled. “Or not like Marsha, I should say. That’s what I’m telling you, Mom. I’m not me. I mean, I’m not Marsha. I’m not the girl you remember. I’m the child you might have had if things went differently, when they did go differently.

“Look,” I said, lowering my voice. “Marsh doesn’t play the guitar, does she?” When Mom shook her head, I continued, “But I do. Not as well as I used to, because I don’t have the muscle memory, but I already play a lot better than you’d expect for somebody who’d only been practicing for a couple of months. Let me get the guitar I borrowed and show you.”

Without waiting for her assent, I ran to my room and grabbed the guitar and ran back. As I tuned it, I explained. “This actually belongs to the brother of a close friend, but he did the experiment, too, and in his other life he never learned how to play it, so he doesn’t even want to see it.” I finished and played a few test chords. “Now remember, I don’t have the muscle memory I had, so this won’t be great, but it should make my point. And I launched into All My Loving, the same song on which I had failed so spectacularly in Nikki’s room. It wasn’t up to my old standards, but I thought it would pass.

When I finished, I look at Mom for a reaction and was surprised to see her crying. “I… I don’t know how you did that, Honey, but that was beautiful. Grandpa used to play that all the time, and you did it with his little flairs and touches. How in the world…?”

“Grandpa taught me a bit before he died, Mom,” I explained. “And I used to listen to recordings he’d made when I was learning. I guess… I’d never really thought about it, but I suppose I did copy some of his style. I’ve been playing for years, Mom, and I always hoped he would have been proud of me. There’s no way Marsha could have done this, could she?”

“I don’t know… I don’t…” She kept shaking her head. “I don’t know if you’re going crazy, or I am, or… I don’t see how what you’re telling me could be true, but I don’t see how you could play as well as you just did, either.”

“It’s not much,” I pointed out. “I only have a repertoire of like three songs, at this point. I’m having to relearn everything I used to know.”

“That’s still rather… amazing,” she commented. She took the guitar out of my hands and put it down carefully on the counter before hugging me. “Baby, I don’t what’s going on, I can’t think of you as a stranger, but clearly something’s happened to you. I’m very hurt that you confided in your sister and Chad, but not your father and me.”

“I was afraid…” I explained in a small voice. “You just threatened to keep me home from school, and to take me to a doctor. I didn’t want that to happen, so I didn’t tell you. I was afraid that if you knew I wasn’t the daughter you remembered, that you’d be afraid of me, or not… well, not comfortable with me. I need you, Mom. I wasn’t going to tell you, but you overheard a conversation and I didn’t want to lie.”

“You didn’t want to lie?” I shook my head. “But you told me it was a hoax, didn’t you? So you have lied, one way or the other.”

I squirmed uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t know what to do.”

“Well, teenagers do keep secrets for stupid reasons. I’m not so old that I don’t remember being afraid to tell everything that happened to me. I’m going to have to think about things, Marsh.” Then, releasing me, she looked me in the eye. “Do you not want me to call you Marsha any more?”

“I don’t want anybody to treat me any differently. I don’t want people to think I’m a freak, or anything.”

With a slight smile, Mom said, “Well, I certainly remember that feeling. OK, Honey. I am going to have to discuss this with your father, but,” she held up a hand when I started to object, “I think you underestimate him. I promise that we won’t force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”

I nodded, but I couldn’t help remembering that he had called Dean Peterson on me. What if he did something like that again?

24 Comments

  1. von says:

    Wow.
    Weird.
    I so didn’t expect this.
    I am in shock.

  2. Chris says:

    Congratulations on reaching #100!!! I’m loving this story. If you could do me a favor and turn out two episodes a day, I’d really appreciate it. 🙂

  3. scotts13 says:

    Very nice. The story actually advances, and with two glaring exceptions Marsh seems to have her head screwed on straight. I like that she actually tried something useful to convince her mother this time.

    By the way, does anyone but me see Mom as simpering and completely dominated? She reads as someone who had her internal fire snuffed out long ago. And Dad seems like just the kind of guy to do it…

    Exception one I can almost see; not guarding her phone conversation in the kitchen is the kind of thing I’ve seen careless and clueless people do. My error (I suppose) is continually expecting Marsh to rise above her nature. But… January? JANUARY!?! Marsh is presented with what might be the first concrete evidence of her plight and she’ll wait for “someone” to “show her” in January? With the mis-delivered and opened package as a warning the coverup might be compromised, that evidence might not outlast the day.

    Anyone with two brain cells to rub together would be asking the grad student for pictures of the box and it’s contents, the outside of the lab, and a sketch of the location. AND be in the car headed back to school within the hour. Anyone with THREE brain cells would bring along a copy of “Lock Picking for Dummies.”

  4. von says:

    >>Anyone with two brain cells to rub together would be asking the grad student for pictures of the box and it’s contents, the outside of the lab, and a sketch of the location. AND be in the car headed back to school within the hour. Anyone with THREE brain cells would bring along a copy of “Lock Picking for Dummies.”

    But, Scott, we’re talking about Marsh!

    Am disappointed by Eric, here. Won’t be too surprised (will be pleased) if Chad picks up on this.

    >>“OK… and why does Chad want you to ‘change back’?”

    “Well… I told him I really needed to, only I couldn’t find the lab, and he’s been helping me try to figure out where it was… and when I told him I had a date with Jeremy, he got mad at me and said I was giving up and I should have just told him I didn’t care and not made him work so hard to help me if I wasn’t going to follow through.”

    Marsh has a genious for answers that don’t answer the question. Is no one (other than me) concerned about Marsha? where she is, what she is doing?

  5. scotts13 says:

    >> Is no one (other than me) concerned about Marsha? where she is, what she is doing?

    You mentioned something like that before and I assumed you were joking; apparently not. Why do you feel Marsha is anywhere? If (IF!) facts are as presented and this is a time-travel story, Marsha has no place to “be” – in this time line, she never existed in the first place. There’s only one personality, Marsh, that has had the circumstances of his life retroactively altered. Of course, the fact that Marsh remembers Marshall is a glaring, seemingly impossible-to-surmount plot hole; so I’ve been assuming this is NOT a time travel story in the conventional sense.

    One time-travel-like possibility is two alternate universes, and the mentalities of Marsha and Marshall have been somehow interchanged. This doesn’t (to me) explain the excessively rapid girlification of the Marshall personality; it has other problems as well, but I’ll leave those for another time. That gives you a place for Marsha “to be.”

    Another, which (again, to me) explains the story as shown, is that Marsha was brainwashed/hypnotized/reprogrammed to think she had once been Marshall. The actions of Tina and her mother to keep Marsh “in line” seemed to support that – at least until this chapter. In this case, Marsha is just where she always was – just confused.

    Now, after Russ stops laughing and picks himself off the floor, maybe he’ll vouchsafe a spoiler or two?

  6. scotts13 says:

    >> Am disappointed by Eric, here. Won’t be too surprised (will be pleased) if Chad picks up on this.

    Why? He’s taking it as a lark, a Gedankenexperiment. Just because he went along with Marsh doesn’t mean he does, or did, truly believe her. Didn’t you ever humor a possibly-mistaken friend, especially a cute one of the opposite gender? My girlfriend believes tightly closing birdseed containers CAUSES seed moths to appear inside. I know better, but I dutifully leave the lids off at her house.

  7. von says:

    You raise some various different possibilities. But you make a logic error in number one. In number one everyone around Marsh remembers Marsha. To that extent she *was*. The time travel experiment then took someone who *was* and made them *not to be*… IOW she was murdered. Her personality, decisions, life choices, relationships, were all obliterated by this experiment. IOW Mom’s daughter has been killed, Tina’s sister has been killed, Chad’s best friend was killed; etc. Marsh (aka previously Marshall), by not changing, is thus a participant in the death of Marsha.

    I think you rsecond choice *does* explain the variuos changes that Marsh is undergoing, altho not as well as my theory (in my book 🙂 ). They say that we are ‘nature and nuture’. Well, if we look at Marsh in the tripartate: nature, nurture, and memory; then we have someone that is by nature a female, who is in the societal role of a female, and merely has the memories of a male (and, it must be said, not many of those). Given that one of the premises of the book seems to be that Marsh has no moral will of his own, it is very natural that he would be sucked into the new role… witness his irrationality on the issue of makeup, for example.

    Even the third issue has a moral componenent. In this case Marsha is literally ‘sick’, brain damaged, etc. (not in the physical sense) and she, and the people around her, have a moral imperative to *fix* her.

  8. von says:

    >>Why? He’s taking it as a lark,

    As a lark (and he is doing a lot more than I would for ‘a lark’) I would still not be content with ‘oh, well, in January’. If I have put all of this effort, and finally get ‘a clue’, I would be back at school (if possible) right away. I would have expected something like, “I would really like to go back, but I can’t quit my job” etc. Some excuse.

  9. von says:

    >>Of course, the fact that Marsh remembers Marshall is a glaring, seemingly impossible-to-surmount plot hole; so I’ve been assuming this is NOT a time travel story in the conventional sense.

    As am I.

  10. scotts13 says:

    >> You raise some various different possibilities. But you make a logic error in number one. In number one everyone around Marsh remembers Marsha. To that extent she *was*. The time travel experiment then took someone who *was* and made them *not to be*… IOW she was murdered.

    Believe me, I know my way around the logic of fictional time travel – I’ve read, and analyzed, enough of it. In the traditional (non-branching universes) model, there’s one timeline. It may be altered by tampering, but at the point that happens, the current state of the universe is the only one that EVER was; the previous reality not only doesn’t exist but never DID exist. The same holds true for the branching-universes model. Within each universe, events are self contained and consistent; when talking about the entire timeline, there’s no was, there’s only IS. So, in the current TaL universe, Marsha is always exactly who she always was – she’s just started acting very oddly. And THAT is the plot hole which should kill the entire thing.

    As for the murder thing, I wholeheartedly agree. This has been discussed ad infinitum elsewhere, and in my opinion changing a person’s memories – either through changing their past through time travel, or cruder means – is murder. A mind is a collection of memories and the reactions to those memories. Changing them – even with the victims consent, even slightly, even for the better – is an unspeakable crime. Hence my extreme distaste for the “brainwashing” scenario.

    I do disagree that Marsh is a participant, however. Do you mean “changing” by reversing the experiment (thus denying Marsha existence in the first place) or by giving in and allowing himself to “become” Marsha? Neither will work. No type of alteration,either by time travel or personality modification, could be completely undone; one could only approximate putting things back as they were. This isn’t horseshoes; any change is as much as crime as a large one. No, Marsh is a victim, who can only make the best adjustment she can for her own purposes. An amputee can’t get his original leg back; he can only choose a prosthesis or a wheelchair.

  11. von says:

    >>No, Marsh is a victim, who can only make the best adjustment she can for her own purposes. An amputee can’t get his original leg back; he can only choose a prosthesis or a wheelchair.

    Who is Marsh? Does he have any obligations to Marsha? Should he care at all for the feelings of Mom, Tina, et. al. Or is his selfish self-interest really what should guide him here?

    IMO he has an overriding obligation to a) Find out what happened and then b) make an analysis of his obligations in that situation. the time travel scenario being an obvious irrationality, one possibility is that there has been some kind of ‘transference’. That Marsha is somewhere… probably sleeping with the alternate Vicki.

    Does he even care where ‘his’ Tina and ‘his’ Mom and Dad are? Or should his prime motivation really be to just have fun while the sun shines and go have another fun date with Jeremy? (Who, IMO, has changed too.)

  12. von says:

    >>but at the point that happens, the current state of the universe is the only one that EVER was; the previous reality not only doesn’t exist but never DID exist.

    Which, obviously, didn’t happen here as he has his previous memories.

    >>Marsh is a victim,

    Oh, please let us not get into the politics of victimhood. Marsh is a human being, and responsible for his actions, no matter what has been done to him. He needs to get up, turn his brain back on, figure out what happened, and figure out what he should do about it… if anything. If nothing else, perhaps he will find out it was irrevocable and then his best, highest, calling will be to do his best with what he has (and what he doesn’t have).

  13. von says:

    >>As for the murder thing, I wholeheartedly agree.

    In which case there may also be obligations of justice here. Someone may need to get shot for killing Marsha, and the various alternate Vicki’s, Jeremy’s, etc. Thus, again, he needs to figure out what happened.

  14. scotts13 says:

    >> Who is Marsh?
    Marsh is the current entity who is the focus of the story. He is neither Marshall or Marsha.

    >> Does he have any obligations to Marsha? Should he care at all for the feelings of Mom, Tina, et. al. Or is his selfish self-interest really what should guide him here?
    In all scenarios I’ve thought of, Marsha does not and will not exist; no obligation is possible. That she may have formerly existed is a matter of conjecture. As for the rest, either the timeline will be amended and they’ll never have been upset, or they’ll have to get used to Marsh as s/he is, like it or not. Do you really expect him to destroy what’s left of his personality to avoid distressing his family?

    >> IMO he has an overriding obligation to a) Find out what happened and then b) make an analysis of his obligations in that situation. the time travel scenario being an obvious irrationality, one possibility is that there has been some kind of ‘transference’. That Marsha is somewhere… probably sleeping with the alternate Vicki.

    Clearly Marsh needs to find out what’s going on, if only for his own peace of mind (and ours). He has no obligation to do so. IF he was misled and the transference scenario is true, it would be morally salutary to punish those who have done this to him, if only to spare other victims. Then, ideally, he should offer his counterpart the option of undoing the transference. However, Marsha may have gotten awfully used to Vicki.

    >> Does he even care where ‘his’ Tina and ‘his’ Mom and Dad are?

    If we’re back to the time-travel scenario, most likely they aren’t anywhere, like Marsha. Who is to say “which” set of relatives is better? If changing events and therefore memories murders the characters involved, isn’t changing them back another crime? Remember, they’re still experiencing duration and accumulating memories.

    No, best to wait until the facts are in before trying to make moral decisions. Trying to pre-think them – “If it turns out to be X, then I’ll Y” is a great way to make snap judgements and mistakes.

    >> Or should his prime motivation really be to just have fun while the sun shines and go have another fun date with Jeremy?

    Prime motivation, perhaps not. But, just because you’re on a forced ride doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the scenery on the way. Marsh will most likely have the opportunity to have a unique experience (for a male intellect) during, after, or as a result of that date. Wouldn’t you take advantage? As you keep saying, Marsha probably is (GRIN).

  15. von says:

    >>In all scenarios I’ve thought of, Marsha does not and will not exist

    Ah, well, that is the difference between us, then. In all the ones that I’ve thought of, she does. That makes a big difference, eh?

    >>Prime motivation, perhaps not. But, just because you’re on a forced ride doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the scenery on the way. Marsh will most likely have the opportunity to have a unique experience (for a male intellect) during, after, or as a result of that date. Wouldn’t you take advantage? As you keep saying, Marsha probably is (GRIN).

    Well, I’m not grinning about it, and I would hope that Marshal -> Marsh wouldn’t either. But then he seems to be handling this other fellow fine.

    >>If changing events and therefore memories murders the characters involved, isn’t changing them back another crime? Remember, they’re still experiencing duration and accumulating memories.

    But if, as with the last switch, you *keep* the memories, then this does not apply.

    Besides which the big issue is that there still could be changes going on. People could be still being changed. Jeremy, for example, could have gotten changed just in the last couple of weeks. It could be the new Jeremy that likes Marsh, and didn’t even really know Janine. etc. Jenny could wake up tommorrow as a paraplegic.

    Indeed, I thought of this neat plot…

  16. von says:

    >>>> Who is Marsh?
    Marsh is the current entity who is the focus of the story. He is neither Marshall or Marsha.

    Not my question. Is Marsh, as he believes, Marshall in Marsha’s body? Or is he, as you have suggested, a deluded Marsha? Or something else. The answer to this determines a lot of things, most particuarly much of the whole ‘respoinsibilty’ thing. Let’s say that (and I have seen this done) Marsha still exists, in this body, but is somehow tramped down by Marshall. (and is breaking free over time). Then Marshall’s responsibility may be to work out some kind of ‘sharing’ arrangement with her. Etc. Etc.

  17. scotts13 says:

    >> Then Marshall’s responsibility may be to work out some kind of ’sharing’ arrangement with her. Etc. Etc.

    Heinlein wrote an entire novel on very nearly this exact premise. See: “I Will Fear No Evil” In his story, the personality transplant was accomplished through surgery – which raised awkward plot questions Heinlein himself recognized, but wisely avoided addressing.

  18. Don says:

    The way I look at it, ‘Marsha’ doesn’t exist except in other people’s memories, similar to the pre-Misfile girl-Ash. In that sense then, violence has been done to everyone whose life has intersected with Marshall/Marsha, as they are not the same people they were before the ‘experiment’ (odd that Tina has really picked up on this and Chad not so much, though maybe Chad still thinks ‘Marsha’ is just delusional and is humoring her). The biggest ‘victim’ (if you want to call it that) has to be Marshall’s cousin Tyler, as he no longer even exists

  19. scotts13 says:

    >> The biggest ‘victim’ (if you want to call it that) has to be Marshall’s cousin Tyler, as he no longer even exists.

    (Snerk) Tyler hasn’t said a word in protest about the situation. He didn’t have an existence that ended; he just now never existed. I don’t think that hurts. The only one feeling any pain over it is Marsh.

  20. Don says:

    Whee! Violating causality is fun! 😉

  21. von says:

    >>The way I look at it, ‘Marsha’ doesn’t exist except in other people’s memories,
    >>didn’t have an existence that ended; he just now never existed.

    But, surely, these are the whole question that Marsh needs to figure out. If one comes up a dozen different scenarios for what happened, Marsha and Tyler existed in a half dozen of them, and didn’t in another half dozen.

  22. Richard says:

    Ok I know that it’s been seven years since you guys have commented but I feel the need to comment here. I think Marsha still exists though she’s kind of buried under Marshall right now. With the time travel I’m thinking that the experimenters used the helmet to cross Marshall over to the alternate timeline they would create. They hook Marsh up then go back and cause a little distraction, thus changing the chromosomal makeup. They leave a note for themselves in the future telling them the name Marsh Steen so they can get the alternate Marsh Steen to come in and do the experiment, receiving Marshall. Well unfortunately for Marsh both he and Marsha used the same nickname from their middle names so the experimenters didn’t know that they were suppose to have a male come in.

    And now I have a question for Russ. Do you think that something like this story could actually happen?

  23. Russ says:

    Well, this is intended as science fiction, and therefore I have assumed a specific thing as possible which – to the best of my knowledge – has never been shown to be possible, and which current theories say is probably not. More information would be spoilerish, but it will be explained in the next forty chapters.

  24. Richard says:

    I wasn’t sure if you would respond Russ, it’s been years since you wrote this. The reason why I had asked that is because I’ve had some of my memories come up changed to me being a girl. The first one was one of me when I was about two or three, a bit hazy that far back of course, but I thought that somehow I had been born a girl and was transformed. I had apparently stopped talking when I was three and I figured that fit in pretty good, however I’ve had a couple of others that have come up as me being a girl. It’s sort of like what Marsh is going through only I do have a male body and memories of being male, except for those that have come up.

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