96 Called to Mind
I hesitated, my hand halfway to the phone. Dirk, I thought, It must be Dirk. How did I get myself into this? But then I remembered that Chad had said that the Dirk he knew in this timeline was a nice guy, and Nikki had reminded me that it was just a date. Taking a breath and letting it out, I took the phone and answered, “Hello, this is Marsh.”
“Um, hi, Marsh,” said a familiar, but uncertain-sounding voice. “It’s Jeremy Barker.”
“What?!” I gasped, looking at Tina in surprise.
“Jeremy Barker,” he repeated. “We met at the music school and again at Piques? It was… um… a surprise, running into you there,” he continued. “But I guess if I had been thinking, I might have realized that you could be there.” He laughed nervously. “I mean, we obviously had midterm break at the same time, right? Um… well, you know it’s kind of surprising, seeing somebody at school that you only met near home, right?”
What was going on, here? He seemed really uncomfortable about something. Tina clearly thought that he was going to ask me out, but he was just rambling.
But he kept on. “And I really wasn’t sure it was even–”
Suddenly he yelped. “Hey, cut it out! I’m going to ask her! Um, so, uh, Marsh, would you like to go to see a movie with me Friday night?”
The first part was obviously not addressed to me, and as I looked at Tina’s eager expression, everything clicked into place. His sister and Tina were both in the choir, and knew each other. Tina had probably asked Jeremy’s sister to get him to ask me out, and she was essentially pressuring him to cheat on Janine. I had no idea what hold she had on him, but I knew that little sisters had a way of finding out things their brothers would prefer they didn’t. That was why he sounded so nervous. I was being asked on a “pity date.”
“Friday night?” I echoed, my heart sinking, and saw Tina nod urgently. “Sure.” As disappointing as the idea of a pity date was, I wasn’t too proud to accept. It was just a date, after all, and a movie date at that. Janine had nothing to worry about. Besides, this meant that I could turn Dirk down when he called if I wanted to, since my promise had only included the first time I was asked.
“Ok, great,” he said. “Um, is Avatar OK? I haven’t seen it yet.”
“Neither have I,” I told him. “That’ll be fine.”
“Ok. I’ll pick you up at about seven o’clock, OK?”
“Sure.”
“Ok, bye.” And I could almost feel his relief as he hung up.
“Do you remember him, Marsh?” Tina asked eagerly. “Phyllis – that’s his sister – says that she saw you two talking when you took me to choir practice. I think you’ll like him; he’s really nice. And he goes to Piques!”
She obviously didn’t know about Janine, and I saw no reason to disillusion her. “I remember him,” I acknowledged. “He is nice.”
“So this will be your first date as a girl. Where’s he taking you?”
“To see Avatar on Friday.”
“Oooh, nice! That’s a long movie, and the two of you will be in the dark together. Lots of possibilities there!”
I’d obviously never shared my philosophy of dating with my sister; or rather, Marsha hadn’t, and I wasn’t going to do anything to burst her bubble. So I just smiled and said, “I’m looking forward to it.”
“I need to get back to my homework, Marsh, but we need to plan this out after dinner. I have some ideas of just the right outfit for you to wear to knock him dead!”
After she left, I tried to analyze what I was feeling. Sure, it wasn’t a real date; we wouldn’t be getting to know each other better to see if we could move into a relationship. But at the same time, I would be spending the evening with Jeremy, and he’d at least have to talk to me in the car. And maybe, I thought, starting to like the idea, if I played my cards right, I could get a goodnight kiss out of it. Now that would be something. But was I really ready to kiss a boy for real? Even this boy? Just the thought was turning me on a bit.
The more I thought about it, the more I started thinking of reasons to look forward to the date. I had been nervous about a boy trying to be too intimate with me, too soon, but with Jeremy having a serious girlfriend, that shouldn’t be a problem. I did want to see the movie, and now I could; plus, I’d find just being near Jeremy exciting, and I wouldn’t have any more expectations that he could dash. On the whole, it would be a safe and enjoyable first date. My ‘take a lemon’ promise would be fulfilled, and then… well, I could worry about what happens next, later.
Tina was really excited about this; more than I was, in fact, and she’d obviously told Mom and Dad, because one of the first things Dad said when we sat down to dinner that night was, “So, I hear you have a date this weekend, Princess.”
I nodded. “We’re going to see a movie.”
“And how do you know this boy?”
I looked at Tina. “We met over midterm break, when I took Tina to choir practice. I don’t really know him all that well; I think Tina does, though.”
That was all the encouragement she needed. “Jeremy is Phyllis Barker’s brother,” she gushed, which elicited a nod from Mom. “He’s into music theory and engineering and geology and he’s really a nice guy, and I think he and Marsh will be great together.”
“That sounds promising,” Mom said, and I had to agree. Why did Tina have to play him up so much? It already hurt that he wasn’t available.
“Well, I’d like to meet him when he comes to pick you up,” Dad said, and that just made me feel even worse. The whole thing was a sham; I knew it and Jeremy knew it, and now Dad would… what? I’d experienced the ‘meeting the Dad’ thing with I think one girl I dated. It hadn’t been comfortable at all, but I’d put up with it because I really wanted to take the girl out. It wasn’t fair for Jeremy to have to go through this for a pity date.
“I’m sure he’ll be happy to meet you, Daddy,” I said, being polite. Maybe it would be best if I called Jeremy back and let him off the hook. Getting out of an unwanted date with Dirk didn’t justify making Jeremy uncomfortable.
What I didn’t understand was, why hadn’t Phyllis just been honest with Tina? I thought of what had happened to Geoff, and how Chandra had insisted on him chasing after Lee Ann, despite her boyfriend. Maybe Phyllis just didn’t like Janine? And she was trying to break them up? Calling it off was definitely sounding like the right thing to do.
After dinner, Tina and I cleared the table and then she almost dragged me to my bedroom. “Phyllis says that Jeremy’s favorite color is green, and you’ve got this green dress that will perfect!” she said, opening my closet door. “Here, hold it up.”
“You know, Teen,” I said, complying, “I’m starting to have second thoughts about–”
“No!” she said sternly. You promised. The first boy who asked you on a date, and Jeremy asked…”
“With Phyllis’s and your prodding,” I suggested.
“Boys don’t always know what’s good for them,” she said, dismissively. “Yeah, that’s going to work. We’ll have to do something with your hair, though. When was the last time you had it cut?”
“I…”
“Well, call for an appointment. Hmm, maybe I should go with you. I’ll call, just to make sure I can make it. And let’s see what kind of stockings will work,” she added, searching through my dresser drawers.”
“What am I, a Barbie doll?” I muttered. I was a bit relieved when my cell phone rang.
I put the dress on my bed and looked at my phone, not recognizing the number. “Hello?” I said, answering it.
A confident male voice answered. “Hey, Melanie, how are you?”
“Sorry, you’ve got the wrong number,” I said, snapping the phone closed.
“I hate it when that happens,” Tina agreed, pulling out two pairs of stockings. “Let’s see how these look.”
The phone rang again, and it was the same number. “Look, pal,” I said, “there’s nobody named Melanie here. You’ve got the wrong number,” and I hung up once again.
When I turned back to Tina, though, she was staring at me, open-mouthed. “That… that was Dirk,” she stammered.
“Dirk?” I asked, surprised.
“That’s his pet name for you. You know, Marsh, marshmallow, Mel, Melanie…?”
“Marshmallow?” I echoed, incredulous, and looked at myself in the full-length mirror as the phone rang again. That’s not fair. I’m not that fat. I answered the phone again, a bit annoyed. “Hello!”
“Marsh, what the Hell?” he asked, and this time I did sort of recognize his voice.
“I… didn’t realize it was you,” I said, feeling extremely awkward. I had been thinking of the Dirk that I knew, but it had just hit me that this guy was somebody who had had a close relationship with Marsha, maybe closer than just about anybody else.
“Who else calls you Melanie?” he demanded.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
“Are you still mad at me?”
“Should I be?” I asked, bouncing the conversation back to him.
“I apologized, didn’t I? Look, I’ll say it again. I was a jerk. I’m sorry. I… I wasn’t thinking enough about what you wanted. I want to give ‘us’ another chance, and I promise not to pressure you again, OK?”
This was way beyond my comfort point, and I was at a loss. I looked at Tina for help, but she just looked confused. “Let me think about it, OK?” I finally said.
“OK, fine. But in the meantime, you remember that restaurant on Old Mill Road? The Country Inn?”
“Um, yeah…” I’d taken dates there a few times.
“They’ve started having swing dancing there on every other Friday night. Would you like to go?”
“I’m sorry, Dirk, I have plans for this Friday,” I answered, relieved to have an excuse.
“Plans? Oh come on, Mel, don’t be that way.”
“I’m not ‘being’ any way,” I said. “I have a date. I’m going to a movie with somebody.”
“Maddy said you weren’t seeing anybody.”
“I’m… he just asked me a few hours ago.”
“Marsha!” he complained, “Come on! What do you want me to do, get on my hands and knees and beg?”
“I’m serious,” I assured him. “I met this boy over midterm break and he just called and asked me out.”
“Oh,” he said, sounding surprised. “OK, I see. Um… so how do you want to do this?”
“Do what?”
He sighed, and I grinned a bit to myself. It was a bit mean, but in some way it was kind of fun to annoy him like this.
“I guess we need to talk a bit. Saturday afternoon around 3? We can meet for ice cream and just catch up.”
Again, I looked at Tina, but of course she didn’t know what was going on.
“Ice cream sounds OK,” I said, hoping I wasn’t making a mistake.
“Great! I’ll see you there. Bye”
He hung up, and I stared at the phone. “Where?”
“Where what?” Tina asked.
“I just agreed to meet Dirk for ice cream on Saturday to talk, but he didn’t tell me where,” I explained. “Did Dirk and Marsha have a usual place where they got ice cream?”
“That place at the mall, but why are you seeing Dirk? You’ve got a date with Jeremy!”
“Well he asked me, you know, just to talk. It’s not an actual date or anything.”
“And what are you going to talk about?” she demanded. “How are you going to make him believe that you’re Marsha? You didn’t even know his pet name for her. He’s going to know something’s wrong. Forget about him, OK? Go out with Jeremy first. If things don’t work out, I’ll find you somebody else. But unless you’re planning on telling Dirk everything, I don’t see how you’re going to do this.”
“And if I do tell him, he’ll think I’m crazy, or just still angry at him or something.” That made any possibility of a real date with Dirk impossible, and actually made me a feel a lot better. “So I just need to find some way to tell Dirk that I’m not interested without him thinking that I’m just playing hard to get. Got any ideas?”
“Stand him up?”
“Tina!”
“You should have told him you were busy.”
“Well, I didn’t. I could call him back, I guess. Or I could just talk to him and be reasonably honest. I’ll say that our relationship is history and I’m not interested in starting up again.”
“If you’re sure…?”
“I think it’s the best thing to do,” I said firmly.
“OK, then let’s get back to your date. I think these shoes…”
I sighed and just let her have her way. She’d put so much effort into setting this up, that I might as well let her enjoy herself. The question was, could I?
>> My ‘take a lemon’ promise would be fulfilled, and I could start on real dating when I got back to school.
This seems a little inconsistent. Marsh has gone instantly gooey over Jeremy in the past, and does again before the end of the chapter. Seems odd she’d be looking forward to a nebulous future date when presented with THIS situation
>> I… I find you very sexy and I wasn’t thinking enough about what you wanted.
I have a hard time making this line of dialogue work for me. He’s in the middle of an apology, and this line seems perfect to infuriate the female recipient. If, as we assume, his advances were spurned, he shouldn’t be reminding her of how much she turns him on. So, socially inept, or just a jerk? Awkwardly phrased, too.
>> “I’m… he just asked me a few hours ago.”
She owes him explanations?
>> “Marsha!” he barked, “Come on! What do you want me to do, get on my hands and knees and beg?”
Barked? Ah, clearer now – socially inept AND a jerk.
>> “Ice cream sounds OK,” I said
(Facepalm) Oh, Marsh…really? Has Russ specified her hair color? ‘Cause I really want to make a “dumb blonde” joke right about now.
So, boy troubles are successfully piling up. To be honest, didn’t really expect Jeremy to call, but then again, the law of conservation of detail does suggest he was the likeliest candidate. You won this round, von, but Dirk’s fanclub still hasn’t lost (although we’re having second thoughts about him now — he IS a bit of a jerk).
Oh, and btw thanks Russ for naming the previous section. It looks much better.
I have made some changes to try to make Dirk less inept and have Marsh a bit more focused on the date with Jeremy. Thanks for the comments, Scott.
Huh. I end up liking Dirk more after this chapter. But, still, it is Jeremy that gives Marsh the shivers.
Odd that Tina should be so freaked about Dirk when Marsh has, apparently successfully, fooled his parents and his roomates for so long. (IMO the biggest ’suspension of disbelief’ in the book; larger than the gender shift itself.)
Somebody wake me when the soap opera is over and my sci-fi channel comes back on, will you?
>> Somebody wake me when the soap opera is over and my sci-fi channel comes back on, will you?
Yeah. Much as I hate to say it (and please take no offense, Russ) but I’m also having trouble caring about these social fumbles. Now, on another boy-magically-placed-in-girl’s-body bit of fiction (and in the fanfic thereof) I’m all about what I call the domestic scenes – “action free” interaction between the characters.
But (as I’ve said before) we’re NOT watching a boy struggle with being a girl, unless you expand “being a girl” to include imposition of hormonal responses, social conditioning, and behavioral patterns. We don’t know what Marsh IS, and how whatever she is was created – except that the circumstances are not as surmised – so I really can’t relate to her. Does that make sense? I’d resigned myself to understanding her after we got more data, but it’s gone on too long. Way too long.
>> “Marshmallow?” I echoed, incredulous, and looked at myself in the full-length mirror as the phone rang again. “Are you saying that he thinks I’m fat?” I answered the phone again, a bit annoyed.
BTW, forgot to mention this one before – She says this out loud? The line is really heavy-handed, so stereotypically female it’s a groaner, rather than funny OR telling. If you want to retain it, I’d keep the dialogue internal.
This is certainly worth a discussion. I have a story in mind, but if people aren’t enjoying it, I can adjust. If adjustments aren’t really feasible without destroying the story, I can write another. There is no point in writing what nobody wants to read.
For all we know, this could be a great story. Certainly there is some great writing. But it is very mixed genre and, until it is done, it is impossible to tell which genre you really should shoot for. The heavy Sci-fi people, who are intrigued with the idea of cross diminsional mind exchange (carried on by a light and amusing plot of a boy turned into a girl and who embarasses himself constantly but get’s some fun views in the locker room) are not pleased when the story morphs into a romance novel (with the interesting if somewhat distracting twist of the fact that the ‘girl’ is actually a boy who has undergone an interdimensional mind exchange and the ‘boy’ is ditto but in reverse).
When we learn the end, then we will each be able to discuss how, for us, the extraneous bits could be toned down and the ‘really interesting part’ could be emphasized. Or, we will drop out of the discussion with a sigh and a ‘oh, it is THAT kind of book.’
>>Now, on another boy-magically-placed-in-girl’s-body bit of fiction (and in the fanfic thereof) I’m all about what I call the domestic scenes – “action free” interaction between the characters.
This keeps threatening to make sense to me, but I can never quite nail it down. Help.
>> This keeps threatening to make sense to me, but I can never quite nail it down. Help.
Without knowing what part is confusing you (presumably it’s my obtuse writing style) I’ll just expand a bit. The gender shift bit is likely as old as literature. 99% of the time you can call it “magical” because the technique doesn’t really matter; the upshot of it is, you have a male personality experiencing a female body. S/he may be whipsawed by unfamiliar hormones, but his “essence” remains intact.
For reasons I haven’t fully explored, but which I expect are not the typical ones, I’ve been fascinated by these stories since an early age. Without naming names, one of them is a webcomic (which Russ also reads and comments on) where a young street racer wakes up one morning concave rather than convex. The circumstances and “rules” of the transformation are spelled out in a rather detailed fashion. Some things MAY turn out to be misdirection, but we “know” what’s going on.
The comic has many subplots dealing with racing, and some with the supernatural. The racing action doesn’t interest me; the supernatural (other than the basic setup) not much more. The meat for me is the personal interaction between the characters, and the growth that comes from it. I can identify with the characters.
With Take a Lemon, we DON’T know the circumstances and rules. All that’s clear is that this is NOT the typical story; Marsh has, far, far, more girl in him that what little we know of the stated circumstances could allow. I flat out refuse to believe “Are you saying that he thinks I’m fat?” comes out of a person’s mouth solely because of additional estrogen – and Marsh hasn’t had time to pick up the social conditioning.
Now, Marsh exploring what’s going on in his own mind could be an interesting story – but at this point he’s not, he’s just acting on it. To me, it’s like trying to figure out the actions of an automaton. What are it’s motivations? Whatever who programmed his mind wants them to be. The robot’s internal dialogue has no meaning, because his mind is not his own. As with the racing bits, the logistics of dating for a girl who co-incidentally has some odd memories doesn’t interest me.
Russ, it’s not that I dislike your story, and any objections may simply be my peculiar perspective. But I suspect I’ll like it a lot more in retrospect. If this were a paper novel I’d have peeked at the end tens of chapters ago.
Von, does that help, or confuse further?
True, although I felt the “marshmallow” allusion justified it. BTW, did you miss this panel?
A very good point. I’ll try to address that more.
Oh, it really helps, altho it doesn’t answer my question 🙂 My question was far more trivial than your answer.
Russ and I, off site, have been having a similar discussion. This book has elements of several different genres; and the resulting tensions are rather muddy. Many of the tensions are mixed between Romance and Coming of Age. I hate the first (in it’s essence) and love the second.
I appreciate your point about the dehumanizing nature of not knowing what happened.
>> Oh, it really helps, altho it doesn’t answer my question My question was far more trivial than your answer.
The question which you still haven’t re-stated in intelligible fashion? (GRIN)
>>The question which you still haven’t re-stated in intelligible fashion?
What are these:
>>I’m all about what I call the domestic scenes – “action free” interaction between the characters.
>> What are these
Sorry; rephrased sans cleverness: “I’m primarily interested in the scenes where the two main characters are alone together conversing, or otherwise interacting.” As in, not racing, fighting demons, or (in the fanfic) shooting up NYC.
>> BTW, did you miss this panel?
Nein, mein Herr. But I believe Marsh was serious and speaking on her own behalf; Shoulder Devil Ash is speaking as only one aspect of Ash’s personality, and is herself mostly comic relief. (That’ll teach you to play nitpicking details with ME)
>>or otherwise interacting
Ah. I thought that ‘action free’ might have ruled out ‘otherwise interacting’.
Introducing ‘Take a Character to Lunch’ day.
If you could take one TaL character to lunch, who would it be?
If I weren’t married, I might opt for Tina. As it is, I think I would like to chat Sci-fi with Chad… and show him some of my books, including the book based on him. (He might be interested).
>> If I weren’t married, I might opt for Tina.
At that level, I think she’s a little young for you. (GRIN)
As for me, none of the characters are people I’d go out of my way to hang out with. But given the options, and in order:
– Marsh, even if most of my conversation would consist of “What were you THINKING?!” I’m sure a few judicious questions from me could get more out of that head than she’s using.
– Vicky. Vacillates between sympathetic and bitchy, but at least she’s interesting. I keep wanting to see what would happen if Marsha hauled off and gave her a big, wet, kiss.
– Lee Ann. Nothing special, but seems like a nice practical girl. Reminds me of a nurse from Brisbane I used to know.
>>At that level, I think she’s a little young for you.
A bizarre modern concept.
In fairness I believe Russ originally skipped the soap opera and just brought Marsh home for the holidays in order to “move the plot along”. Then, in response to public outcry, he inserted several chapters about House Parties, which were all about social interaction. Now the same people who requested the change are complaining about the new direction. I guess the danger is when Marsh’s love life eclipses the scifi aspect of the story, which seems to have hit a dead end. I think what’s needed here is a bit more balance.
Of course it could all be consistent. I’ve speculated that Marshall is really an implanted memory and Marsha’s brain is “self correcting” and in the process her personality naturally shifts more toward the female. The soap opera is where we witness this unfolding. Nevertheless, it get us no closer to understanding the origins of this mystery, and that’s the part I believe was most riveting, at least for some readers.
>>The soap opera is where we witness this unfolding.
Oh, I don’t object to *that* part. I like that part. It is the Dirk vs Jeremey vs Phil vs Geoff, and who do I *really* like, and*will he kiss me*.
I like the *oh my, I can’t believe I like a guy* bits. Not that it is what I think the story should be about 🙂
In the end, Russ, I think you need to take the comments here with a grain of salt. Every chapter in every book isn’t perfect, and neither will yours be. You have loyal readers who enjoy your story and your style. Write the book you want to write, and don’t worry about pleasing everyone.
>>Write the book you want to write, and don’t worry about pleasing everyone.
Yes and No. Almost every time we talk I tell russ, “It’s your book.” But, as a writer myself, one is always incredibly interested in both whether people like our writing, and how it affects our readers.
I would love to have a tithe of the comments for any of my books.
“Oooh, nice! That’s a long movie, and the two of you will be in the dark together. Lots of possibilities there!”
[…]
“I need to get back to my homework, Marsh, but we need to plan this out after dinner. I have some ideas of just the right outfit for you to wear to knock him dead!”
—-
To which one might well respond: “Sure, if I was just looking to drag him back to my lair and lay my eggs in him.”
If you’re not on the hunt for whatever game comes your way dating’s more like an interview, a process of discovering each other. I doubt Tina is the ‘jump whatever’s there’ type so… *shrug* Maybe it’s just a personal aesthetic but it rings somewhat out of tune for me.
I think Tina is taking the angle: “Marsh told me she liked a boy (doesn’t know who), so I am going to throw an attractive guy at her, and maybe she’ll like it enough that she won’t try to change back!”
>>maybe she’ll like it enough that she won’t try to change back!”
It is interesting that this tension has decreased so much. It was fairly big in the beginning. Is Tina still worried about this? Does she even still believe the whole “Marsh was a boy” thing? What is driving her right now?
Much of the present chapters seem to have her sort of on ‘default’… typical teenage girl nonsense.
Oh I do so think that Marsh has wrong footed herself again – Janine could be many other things than girlfriend.
>>Oh I do so think that Marsh has wrong footed herself again – Janine could be many other things than girlfriend.
That’s been obvious since the beginning. Heavy handed foreshadowing. The opposite would surprise me more.
>> That’s been obvious since the beginning. Heavy handed foreshadowing.
I kind of agree here, but I think it was less heavy handed and more ‘If Marsh thinks it, the opposite must be correct.’ Which tends to be a pretty good bet! :p
>>I kind of agree here, but I think it was less heavy handed and more ‘If Marsh thinks it, the opposite must be correct.’ Which tends to be a pretty good bet! :p
Well, that is true… altho Russ bit my head off the other day for saying so. But it is more than that. When an author sets up a characters assumption that is supported by evidence but not confirmed; and when they repeat it over and over… then one looks for some kind of issue with it.
True.
Sorry Russ, if I offended! It just seems that Marsh has horrible luck with finding answers. At some points it makes sense (such as his initial conclusions about how to walk in heels), and other times it is a bit painful (such as Marsh’s inability to say “Janine? I don’t think I know her, is she your girlfriend?”, and defusing some of the drama). I know sometimes, like in my second example, the conclusion helps drive the ‘attracted to boys’ plot, but it still comes off as a bit odd.
Regardless, I really do love the story. Anytime I try to seriously write something, the initiative wears off quickly, or I forget where I was going and give up. This takes a lot of diligence!
What does Tina mean by “Stand him up”?
To “stand somebody up” means to simply not show up to an agreed appointment. Tina suggested that one solution would be for Marsh simply not to go meet Dirk, without telling him in advance.
Thanks for explaining. English is not my mother language, so I am not familiar with these slangs.
By Marsh’s reaction, I thought it was some kinds of dirty jokes….. XD
Does the following read right?
**That was all the encouragement she needed. “Jeremy is Phyllis Barker’s brother,” she needed, which elicited a nod from Mom.**
No, it’s a typo. Thanks.